Quite a while before the “Great and Terrible Throwing-Out,” Matt moved Mello in with him so he could nurse him back to health after the explosion. While Mello was in a drug-and-healing-induced sleep, Matt headed back to the site to get a couch he’d vaguely noticed while searching for Mello’s charred body. It was still in good shape and Matt wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. What’s wrong with a free couch?

What he hadn’t noticed was the fact that it was a zebra pattern under all that ash. He had a good laugh about that while washing it and put it in his apartment anyways. The place could use some culture…and a paint job, but one thing at a time!

When Mello was feeling well enough for Matt to carry him into the living room and get him comfortable on the couch so he could see where he was living and be somewhere else but the lightless (The room didn’t have any lights installed in the ceiling, and Matt had no need to buy any, considering dark to normal people is lit to him) bedroom. He’d actually smiled at the sight of his (apparently) favorite couch and had posed happily upon it, which made Matt smile and try not to laugh. Who would’ve thought the king of sexy, stylish dressing would love such a stupid-patterned couch?

Matt himself didn’t particularly mind the couch, for all it had a few poky coils that dug into his bum if he sat in certain areas. It did smell, but so did the rest of his apartment.

That night, Philbrook the toaster, Charles the bathroom door, Sally the thermostat, and Bob the cardboard box/coffee table (Mister Muffin hadn’t been added yet) got to decide whether they liked this new named piece of furniture. Mello had long since named it Zeb, so it thus had a personality and would be able to converse with them.

If couches could pose narcissistically, that’s what Zeb would be doing as soon as the humans fell asleep. “Hi there.”

“In agreement with the household, I hereby welcome you to apartment 9B. Please allow me to spread introductions. This is Philbrook, Sally, Bob, and I am Charles. Please accept our humble welcome.” Speech finished, Charles shut up.

“Who’re you?” said Philbrook, ever the blunt and sometimes tactless one.

“I am Zeb,” said Zeb, who gave the impression of striking yet another glamorous pose.

“Nice stripes,” said Bob, who could see him best from where he was.

“Charmed, Mister Bob,” Well, he seemed friendly enough, “But there’s no need to be jealous.” …if not a bit egotistical. Bob laughed nervously and would’ve blushed if he had cheeks…or blood vessels…or a face…

“So what’s so special about you?” said Sally, and the temperature of the room went up a bit.

“Who, me? Why I’m a beloved consort of the Mafia. Er, well I was, until they got blown to smithereens by my dear human…But I see no reason to feel that I’ve downgraded any, since if they were alive, the family would still love me.”

There was a bit of awkward silence in the room. Zeb especially, since he was thinking about whether he should feel downgraded or not…

“I hate to tell you this,” said Sally coldly, who didn’t really, “but this is a run-down, shitty apartment. Your human has lost everything except for the other human and you. You have no rank anymore except for a dingy seat.”

There was more silence. In the bedroom, the humans were shivering and huddled together under the blankets to try to conserve heat. Sally felt bad for them so heated the place up again. “Well…There’s nothing wrong with being a seat…Humans like that sort of thing a lot…”

“Apology accepted,” Zeb said with a sigh, humbled. “I guess I’m okay with all this. I’m still loved, so it’s alright…’snot like the Mafia family thought of me as more than that. And I still have my human, and I’m so happy to have him.”

“That’s the spirit!” said Philbrook, making his lever go up and down cheerfully.

“And no one ever named anything other than me…and now I have other named ones to talk to…So this is okay…” Zeb would’ve smiled if he could. “I guess I’ll be okay. This’ll just take getting used to…”

“You’ll have fun, we promise,” said Bob, “Those three like to play pranks on the humans, and it’s so funny! Philbrook dings at the human and burns his bread, Charles can unlock himself so that when your human can walk, they’ll walk in on each other, and Sally changes temperatures randomly so they react in funny ways! It’s great.”

“Sounds like it. Maybe I could sproing different springs to poke your human whenever he sits down, but then re-position them so my human won’t believe him!”

“Zeb, you’re gonna fit riiiight in…”